just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
