the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
