So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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