i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
