I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
