Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
