Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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