I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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