Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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