Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
