Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
