five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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