Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
