Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
