Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
