sarcasm needs its own font
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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