i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
