Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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