how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
