dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
North Korea, Best Korea!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
