what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
