Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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