youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am puke
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
