Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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