We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
