I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
