What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize