Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
