I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
