hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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