That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
