I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
