She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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