I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
