My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
