Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
