the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
