The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
