Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize