tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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