So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
