And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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