I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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