Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
