Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
