He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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