After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
soo... how was my night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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