omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize