I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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