i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
