I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
