god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
