so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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