I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I looked at my own cervix.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Randomize
