we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
