I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
