It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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