my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I checked into jail on foursquare
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
