Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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