yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
