if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
