Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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