just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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