no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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