Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize