she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
