So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
