There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
